Hard

It's hard for me to tell you.
Because you'll only want to help.
And we both know that you can't.
Sometimes I can't help myself.

Sometimes I fall into this place where I want to quit.
Recently it's where I've been living.
And it seems so strange.
Strange to hear it this way.
From a person who seemed
So happy and together just moments ago.

It's easy to play games for the crowd.
But you are not the crowd.
You are my private sector,
My confidant,
My trustee.

Yet by not telling you,
I've built this brick wall between us.
Accidentally.
I do not want it there.
But I'm afraid of what you will say when it is gone.
And you see that I'm not as strong as you thought.
Not at all.

Frustrating

I notice you
Noticing
And you don't know
That it kills me
Missing
Out on those moments
Watching
Them pass by
And wanting
Wanting. Wanting. Wanting.
To be a part of
It all
But watching from the
Outside
Just isn't the same
As being immersed
In the real thing
And it kills me
But you will
Never know
Because
It's just not a
Part of your
Life

IT

Instead it's about it.
Just about it.
Because it is something I can't stop thinking about.
It is something that has taken over my brain.
I thought it didn't exist.
It was a myth.
It was stupid.

And then it happened to me.
And it was everything I thought it would be.
Except different.
But the same.

You see, it isn't really something you can control.
It just comes.
In this exponential torrential downpour.
And takes over your every thought.
Your brain is no longer your brain.
It's its brain.
But you still can think.

But no matter how hard you try, it is still there.
At the forefront of your mind.
Scratching at the front door.
Reminding you that it is not going anywhere.
And you are somehow calm in the thought.
Something just took over your life, your body.
But you just shrug and continue on.

It is a powerful thing.
It gives your heart arrhythmias.
It puts insects in your stomach.
It can even cause excitement so high that you faint.
It causes speech impediments.
It makes you excessively perspire.

And yet you crave it.
You long for them.
The one that gave you it.
And it makes no logical sense.
The time between you and them could be days.
It makes it feel like minutes.
The time spent apart feels like ages.

It is a powerful thing.

Places

Safe and secure and stable
Longing for peace in conflict
Looking in all of the wrong places

Going to the directory
Not absorbing the language
Looking in all of the wrong places

Following the crowd to a crowded room
Drinking the drinks
Looking for love in all the wrong places.